When I needed a taste of my own medicine…
I got sucked in.
Over the past few days and weeks, I have noticed a tendency to feel the voices and stories in my head start to rumble a bit — particularly when I am on social media.
This of course was accompanied by any number of “the feels” — most of which circled around “not-enoughness” (the socially acceptable term for that icky combo of guilt, fear, helpless, sometimes anger, or shame).
I rarely practice comparison and scarcity anymore — at all. That was a common theme of the past, but not now. And I have a fairly robust sense of awareness — when these icky feels and stories come up — they are quickly recognized as total lies and I am able to sit with and let go of the emotion quickly.
But for a very interesting reason — the volume was turned up on them the last few weeks.
I’d look around and see what others are doing — something that normally doesn’t trigger me at all — and immediately hear the story of “who do they think they are?” This was instantly recognized as a projection of “my own” story and sandbag of imposter syndrome. I was just seeing it “out there.”
I’d sit with it, bless and send love to the innocent person I was “blaming” for my own emotion, send love and hugs to my own little inner kid who was kicking and screaming. and release the stranglehold it had on me.
But that scarcity-based mindset didn’t let go without a fight.
It would show up as excuses —
“I don’t have enough time to tackle that project, life is too busy.”
“Nobody will want to buy that program, so why bother?”
“I don’t feel like doing that. And I don’t do things I don’t feel like because that’s not aligned with my values, so I’m not doing it.”
“I can’t think of anything noteworthy to write and can’t find my voice, so I won’t put anything out there.”
Thankfully as soon as a story would register in my brain and I’d hear it — I would take a moment and pause. Breathe. Find the sneaky emotion hiding behind it. And let it all go.
But yesterday was the real kicker. I saw something someone said and it triggered a big feeling of “I’m not good enough like them.”
The comparison trap.
I have done enough inner work to know when competitiveness and comparison come up, its time for a moratorium on looking around out there.
And it’s time for a deep look inward.
I sat with my inner little kid — the one responsible for unconsciously learning and wiring in the programs that were firing off in my brain — the little kid who was alive and well. My little inner 7-year-old.
As it turns out — all that scarcity and fear was just Little Julie feeling insecure as she was on the precipice of a big growth move.
“Yikes!” She said to me as I sat with her. “What if it fails? What if nobody likes it? What if I put in all this work and nobody bites?”
(This is the adult equivalent of a 7-year-old being concerned she won’t get picked for the kickball team, be invited to a friends house for a sleepover, or have anyone show up for her birthday party)
Mix in a little of the inner 7-year-old who wanted straight A’s and wanted to win at the swim meet — and she was doing a lot of loud talking in my head.
But the most important part was seeing that she (I) was on the verge of something AWESOME. Yes, she felt scared and inadequate — but that’s simply because her brain can’t predict the future (and neither can adult Julie’s or yours, for that matter) and she was out of faith.
She was convinced SHE was responsible for everything. Had to control everything. Had to make it perfect. And this seemed impossible. So she told herself she was not good enough.
So, she was looking elsewhere — on social media — for confidence and guidance and validation that she was on the right track.
Of course, that backfired.
What we hold in mind will manifest.
In my case — If I am holding in mind that old 7-year old pattern and limiting belief of “I’m not good enough” or “I won’t be good enough” — then guess what? Everything that is viewed “out there” will confirm that.
Thus, falling into the icky nasty all too consuming comparison trap when seeing stuff “out there” that triggered the limiting belief “inside.”
Thankfully Little Julie and I had a nice little meditative playdate full of all the things to get myself back “on line” into confidence, clarity, and direction.
And interestingly, because the Universe is awesome — I had the same conversation with all 4 of my private business coaching clients today. Sure, we talked business too.
But first, we honed in big time on this mindset piece. Much to the chagrin of one client who said “I don’t DO personal growth stuff” and another who said she might actually be mad at me for holding up a mirror to her own sneaky mind games.
Why start there? Because if you’re trying to grow a biz on a super shaky mindset foundation that’s full of scarcity and self-doubt — you, too might find yourself practicing behaviors you don’t love—
Scrolling endlessly on social media to find “answers” or joining 1000 Facebook groups just see what other people are doing so you can “learn from them” and “keep up” (this is code for insecurity and comparison)
Procrastinating on things until you simply can’t take the fear guilt and suffering any longer and finally using the buildup of icky emotions to motivate you (this habit is code for believing you must endlessly suffer in order to “earn” the outcome of your hard work)
Practicing extreme perfectionism and overachieving, overpreparing for something that requires 20% of the work you actually need to put in (This habit is code for constantly comparing yourself to a mythical, idealized and impossible version or image of yourself or someone else)
I had been doing all of those things — on and off — in very crafty ways that flew right under my own radar. And I was doing just enough letting go of the voices to stay afloat — I was getting by with integrity and love most of the time.
But I wanted to be thriving.
So in my play date with little Julie — I sat with her, reminded her the truth that she is divinely loved and perfect just as she is, that her work doesn’t define her, that she doesn’t have to listen or even pay attention to ANY of the noise out there, that she has all she needs to succeed within herself, and that she could let go.
So in just an hour or so of our meditative playdate—she finally did.
And lo and behold — clarity came instantly.
An invisible weight was lifted.
And I felt more motivated and energized than I had in months.
If any of this sounds familiar — and I’d be willing to bet it does if all 4 of my clients AND me were swimming in it today — then please know there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone.
And I want you to know it’s completely normal to have “the feels” and “the stories” and to be playing comparison and telling stories of what you “should” be doing.
This is all part of being a human who has a little kid inside. We all have that little kid — just chit chattering away all day— whether we want to admit it or not.
And it’s also ok to motivate yourself based on what YOU love — instead of constantly blaming yourself, or beating the crap outta yourself in order to actually get anything done.
In other words — it’s normal for that little kid to be in there—shouting and screaming. But that doesn’t mean you have to use her stories to motivate you (or keep you stuck in Procrastination Station or Perfectionism Palace ) any longer.
After letting go of that heavyweight, I spent 3 hours this afternoon charting out a CLEAR and a very doable business plan for the rest of the year. And I’ll admit I hadn’t been so excited about my plans since ... maybe May. Doing this felt infinitely fulfilling, effortless, and freeing.
I also unsubscribed to or unfollowed about 50 (yes! 50!) Facebook groups and unfollowed a ton of folks on Instagram. I only kept the folks and groups that are actually serving me directly and bringing a positive influence.
Why? Because while she feels much more grounded and less triggered now — Little Julie still lives in there, and I don’t need to tempt her with the outside noise clouding her (and my) thoughts.
You can feel effortless and free in planning out and growing your business too.
I’ll be doing a live masterclass in 2 weeks to walk you guys through how to easily grow your practice without getting stuck in all the noise, how to go from “likes” to a practice full of raving fans without the “hustle,” and how to let go of the comparison game for good.
Want to join? Email firstname.lastname@example.org and we will send you the info!
In love and health,